There’s a Party in Aisle 15 ~ What Does Hardware Have to do with Sexuality?

| December 10, 2013 | 1 Comment

Barbara Musser, sexy after cancer, talk sexy, cancer and intimacy, fantasies


Recently a friend told me that this image reminded her of me and my work. As I looked at it, I laughed, get­ting the joke.  And then it got me think­ing about how we some­times make jokes or shame our­selves about our sex­u­al­ity. You’ve prob­a­bly seen the know­ing winks and heard the snick­ers when the talk turns to sex, espe­cially what might be con­sid­ered out of the norm or kinky.  Sud­denly the con­ver­sa­tion can get raunchy or lewd. Some­times that’s fun, often not.

Okay, so how about if we lighten up and use that same lan­guage that can cause us to cringe, to have some fun? What do I mean by that? I’m think­ing of aural sex ~ no, that’s not a typo for oral sex; it’s about what we say and hear.

Some peo­ple call it “talk­ing dirty.” In my world, there’s noth­ing dirty about inti­macy and sex. It’s lots of things ~ fun, hot, racy, excit­ing, sweet, intense, ten­der, and so on ~ but dirty? NOT!

Let’s turn the tables and call it talk­ing sexy. I invite you to make a date to talk sexy with your part­ner. The con­text is to tell each other what you want to do to and with them and to receive from them with the focus on sex.  Set aside an hour or so when you can be pri­vate and play. Have some fun with this. It’s so easy to for­get that inti­macy and sex­u­al­ity can be fun.

Then use this hard­ware sign as inspiration ~

  • Maybe you want to tie them up or be tied up ~ this is called bondage.
  • Maybe you want to screw, a euphemism for intercourse.
  • Per­haps being tied down appeals to you? That’s sub­mis­sion or being dominated.
  • What kind of lubri­cants do you like? Water based, oil based, sil­i­con? Maybe some organic coconut oil?
  • Do you like to play with vibra­tors or other toys or devices? These are pieces of hardware.
  • Maybe there’s a fan­tasy or two in your mind that you haven’t shared. Give it a whirl and see how that heats up the con­ver­sa­tion. Just remem­ber that some­times fan­tasies are bet­ter left as fan­tasies, and some­times it’s really fun to act them out.
  • How do you want to touch and be touched? Kiss and be kissed?
  • What do you want to see them wearing?
  • Where do you want to do these activities?

As you talk sexy, notice how it feels. Remem­ber that this is about talk­ing. If you choose to act on any of what you share, make sure you both agree on what that is and how it will work. Then go for it.

Here’s an exam­ple to give you an idea ~ my part­ner and I like to work out together. The other day after a work­out, we took a shower together and had a really fun con­ver­sa­tion about some things we could do with some of the equip­ment in the gym:

  • One lies on the floor while the other lays on top and does pushups, shar­ing a pas­sion­ate kiss each time they lower their body.
  • One lies flat on a bench with knees bent and free weights in their hands. The other kneels beside them and strokes their inner thighs and inner upper arms while they try to do some curls or flies with the weights.
  • One runs or jogs and the other fol­lows, breath­ing down their neck and whis­per­ing, “When I catch up with you, I’ll have my way with you…”

Get the idea? Let your imag­i­na­tion out to play. After all, our brain is our biggest sex organ. So why not use it more and be creative?

If you choose to talk sexy or cre­ate some sort of play, have fun. And please feel free to share any ideas or expe­ri­ences here so that we can all learn from you and ben­e­fit! And if it hap­pens to be on Aisle 15, def­i­nitely let us know!

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Category: Inspire

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  1. Wendy Doherty says:

    Bravo! My favorite is: One lies on the floor while the other lays on top and does pushups, shar­ing a pas­sion­ate kiss each time they lower their body.

    Who ever thought that breast can­cer might lead us to an enhanced sex life.

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